The Purity Test has historically served as a segue from society to true dorm cretin life at UChicago. It’s a voluntary opportunity for losers to have a score to prove it.

Caution: This is not a bucket list. Completion of all items on this test will likely result in having no friends.

Click on every item you have done.
  1. Read Emile Durkheim?
  2. Read Hobbes?
  3. Read Nietzsche?
  4. Read Adam Smith?
  5. Read Hegel?
  6. Attended a business frat event?
  7. Joined a business frat?
  8. Not gone outside once in a day due to studying?
  9. Taken a class with Alan Sanderson?
  10. Taken a class with John Mearsheimer?
  11. Majored in econ or business econ?
  12. Taken a summer course?
  13. Talked more than anyone else in a HUM class despite not doing the readings?
  14. Talked more than anyone else in a week of HUM classes despite not doing the readings?
  15. Skipped an entire quarter of readings in HUM?
  16. Gotten a submission accepted into the UChicago supplemental essay questions?
  17. Gone to a study break in your House just to take food and leave?
  18. Never attended a House Meeting?
  19. Attended every House Meeting?
  20. Read The University of Chicago: A History by John W. Boyer?
  21. Taken Power as your SOSC sequence?
  22. Stayed inside a library for more than 8 hours?
  23. Slept in a library overnight?
  24. Spent all of your Maroon Dollars in the first half of the quarter?
  25. Memorized the name of a textbook piracy website?
  26. Carried a thesaurus or dictionary around?
  27. Kept spare graph paper in your backpack, even when not in a math course?
  28. Not left the boundaries of campus for a month?
  29. Not left the boundaries of campus for a whole quarter?
  30. Never been to Downtown Chicago?
  31. Never been inside any dorm besides your own?
  32. Not cleaned up after yourself, thinking “someone else will clean that up, it’s their job” ?
  33. Done a Scav item?
  34. Skipped class for Scav?
  35. Not entered Ratner for a month?
  36. Not entered Ratner for a quarter?
  37. Never worked out in Ratner?
  38. Used Uber Eats 3 times in a week?
  39. Used Uber Eats 5 times in a week?
  40. Downloaded Sidechat?
  41. Been on Sidechat leaderboard?
  42. Used Sidechat more than any other social media?
  43. Believed in at least one conspiracy theory (excluding The Quad Tunnels Minotaur, he’s definitely real)?
  44. Referred to the Quad unironically as “The Main Quadrangles?”
  45. Never entered any building on the Quad you haven’t had a class in?
  46. Gotten shoved in a locker in high school?
  47. Never attended a party on or near campus?
  48. Had any hand in the production of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxWlN0FYXn4 or a similar project?
  49. Used a Free Lyft for a trip that could be walked in 5 minutes?
  50. Attended a Snorgy?